


Don't Forget Me

by orphan_account



Series: One Shots & Shorts [13]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 02:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15698286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “One minute, Kogane.”Two pods.Save the one on the right and save infinitely more people, including a large amount of his team and the MFE’s.Save the one on the left and save fewer people but also save Shiro.The decision should have been cut and dry once analyzing the outcomes. The decision should have been easy – the pod on the right – but with Shiro on the left and James on the right, the decision could never be so simple.“Thirty seconds, Kogane.”Keith toyed with the idea of letting the simulation run out of time and not picking anyone. In his heart, he knew his decision was made despite the decision not being fair. Choosing right or left boiled down to James or Shiro, and there was no winning here.





	Don't Forget Me

**Author's Note:**

> I just... *clenches fist* love angst. 
> 
> Also, I wrote this instead of finishing jojo's birthday present bc I'm the worst lmfao

“One minute, Kogane.” 

Two pods. 

Save the one on the right and save infinitely more people, including a large amount of his team and the MFE’s.

Save the one on the left and save fewer people but also save Shiro. 

The decision should have been cut and dry once analyzing the outcomes. The decision should have been easy – the pod on the right – but with Shiro on the left and James on the right, the decision could never be so simple.

“Thirty seconds, Kogane.” 

Keith toyed with the idea of letting the simulation run out of time and not picking anyone. In his heart, he knew his decision was made despite the decision not being fair. Choosing right or left boiled down to James or Shiro, and there was no winning here. 

“Ten seconds, Kogane. Nine, eight, seven, six–.” 

Keith veered the simulation sharply to the left to save the pod containing Shiro, two civilians, Pidge, Coran, and supplies. The other pod exploded and the simulation ended. Keith sat still afterward, his hands shaking on the controls. The room was quiet or maybe the ringing in his ears combined with the galloping of his heart deafened the room. 

Someone placed a hand on his shoulder 

“Keith. Can you hear me?” 

Shiro. 

Keith forced himself to snap free of his shock, even if his stomach didn’t sit well. “Shiro,” he said as he stood up. The look on Shiro’s face told Keith all he needed to know. 

Disappointment and hurt. 

Shiro was disappointed in him making the wrong decision, even though the simulation wasn’t fair. In Keith’s mind, there could be no right answer. Sacrificing a few to save many was not a real decision – lives were not expendable. Except, he’d made his choice and now he had to face the people he’d hurt. 

Iverson went over the simulation and those who failed – Keith and a three other less experienced cadets – and why the pod Keith chose was not correct. James stood with the MFE fighters, his arms crossed, and jaw set. He refused eye contact but Keith didn’t blame him. 

When the debriefing ended, Keith left Shiro’s side to wiggle through the crowd to James. Kinkade and Rizavi immediately stepped in Keith’s path, blocking him from going forward. 

“Move,” Keith growled. His patience quickly wore thin. Neith Kinkade or Rizavi complied. “ _ James _ , call off your dogs.” He rose up on tiptoe to peer over Kinkade’s shoulder. 

James finally met his eyes and the pure anger and hatred filled Keith’s heart with cold dread. “They’re in your way for  _ your _ protection, not mine. Go away, Kogane. I don’t want to see or talk to you.” 

“The simulation wasn’t fair–,” Keith went to argue but James cut him off.

“Neither is life but you made your decision. MFE’s, let’s go. The Leader of  _ Voltron _ isn’t our ally.” 

An overwhelming urge to cry filled Keith and he had to fight to stay steady. “James,  _ please _ –.”

James walked away and the MFE’s followed, leaving Keith to stammer. Dreams, the picture perfect kind, shattered and scattered like glass all around Keith until his heart was nothing but shreds. Trembling hands clenched into trembling fists but he couldn’t go after James. 

Not when he felt more eyes on him. 

Keith slowly turned to face his team and they all looked angry, including Shiro. Keith flinched but stood fast to wait for the blowout. 

Unsurprisingly, Lance went first. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. All you care about is Shiro – no offense, Shiro.” 

“None taken,” Shiro replied.

“Almost your entire team, the MFE’s, civilians,  _ James _ , were all on that other pod,” Lance continued. “But I guess if Shiro is involved, no one else matters. Because you didn’t do it to save Pidge or Coran. Just Shiro.” 

Keith kept his gaze on the ground. Shame and guilt ate at him while he let them verbally berate him. Keith knew he was not the leader Shiro wanted him to be but he’d thought he’d finally found a rhythm and place within Voltron. 

He’d never thought one simulation could mess everything up so badly.

The others chimed in but finally, Shiro spoke over them. “Alright, team, that’s enough. Everyone needs to cool off. Go take a break.  _ All _ of you.”

The room cleared, still angry muttering, until only Keith and Shiro remained. Keith kept staring at the floor, too afraid to see the disappointment in Shiro’s stormy eyes. 

“Keith…”

“They all hate me,” he whispered. “It wasn’t a fair choice. It randomly put you on the left during my run.” 

“Keith, I know you love me, and I love you too, but in real life–.” 

Finally, Keith tore his gaze to Shiro's, tears leaking free in an angry outburst. “In real life, I would have found a way to save you both! To save  _ everyone _ ,” Keith roared, voice echoing in the empty room.

“That isn’t how it always works out,” Shiro said gently. “You chose me, Keith, and I know it wasn’t real but your actions hurt people. I know in your heart, you knew which was right you still chose wrongly. As the leader of Voltron, the black paladin, as  _ any _ leader, you have to put your personal emotions behind you. I know how difficult that is, especially knowing how much you care about me… but Keith, if the time comes, you have to choose rightly.” 

Keith knew Shiro meant well and only wanted to help but his words were only the killing blow. He nodded, thanked Sbiro for his advice, and left the room in hopes of finding James. He checked James’ room first but he wasn’t in and there was only one other place James would go. The walk to the roof was quiet and gave Keith a chance to gather his bearings.

James stood on the roof, looking up at the stars, with Kinkade next to him. Keith studied James’ back while Kinkade faced Keith silently until he said something to James. Anger still lived like fire in James’ eyes but Keith could see the pain beneath. 

He’d put that pain there. 

It was his worst nightmare – causing the pain his lovers felt. Keith would rather die than cause either of them pain. 

“Do you want me to stay?” Kinkade asked when Keith approached. 

James paused. “No,” he said. “You can go.”

Keith waited for Kinkade to leave before speaking. He gave James space, fighting the urge to crush the expanse between them with a needy kiss. “I know you’re mad,” he started slowly. “But… this wasn’t a real-life situation. No one was hurt–.” 

“Everyone was hurt,” James replied darkly. “All you care about is Shiro and I feel so stupid to think you could ever care about me.” 

“I  _ do _ care about you,” Keith insisted desperately. He reached for James and then dropped his arms, crossing them over his chest instead. A defensive maneuver he did when uncomfortable and stressed. 

“Why should I believe you?” 

“I didn’t– I– It wasn’t a real choice or fair–.” 

“ _ Nothing _ is fair!” James roared. “I lost my family to the Galra. The MFE’s and the Garrison are all I had. Then you came back with Takashi and… I thought… I thought I had both of you but I guess not.” 

“I  _ do  _ care!” Frustration made his voice sharp but the distress filled him with pain. “James, I  _ care _ about you, too! I– I admit it’s not love like I love Shiro but I’ve known Shiro longer, and that doesn’t mean I wasn’t completely frantic during the sim! I’m… I’m  _ sorry _ .” 

“Would you choose the same if you had to do it again?” James asked, the question more pointed than Keith’s knife. 

“James…” 

“Would you?” 

Keith shut his eyes, fighting a wave of tears. More than anything he wanted to say not but they both knew his answer. 

“Nevermind,” James said, his voice shaking with his own unshed tears. “I know your answer. I’m– I’m not stupid. If we were both drowning one thousand times, I would die one thousand and one.” 

Every bitter word was a knife in Keith’s heart. No matter how many times he refuted James’ statement, the words fall on deaf ears and James would never believe him.

“I’m sorry,” Keith said again. The apology was barely a desperate whisper. 

“You could have failed. Picked no one.” James shook his head. “I have to go. I don’t want to see you or hear from you right now. Just leave me alone, Keith.” 

James walked away and Keith let him. 

Silence after felt oppressive – choking – but it still took so much effort to leave. Every step to the room he shared with Shiro felt like ten, and by the time the door opened, he was exhausted. 

With Shiro’s change in rank, came a larger apartment, even though Shiro insisted he didn’t need something so vast. Keith was thankful when he walked in to find Kosmo asleep on the couch and Shiro going over notes on holo-screens. 

“Hey,” Keith said slowly. 

Shiro pushed the screens aside and smiled so small Keith almost missed it entirely. “Hello, Keith. I’ve been thinking and know that I love you  _ very _ much.” 

Fear grasped onto the remaining pieces of his heart and bit down hard. “But?” 

“I think we love each other so much, we’ve neglected other people, our duties as leaders… I think we should spend some time apartment,” Shiro continued softly.

Part of Keith knew Shiro was probably right – spending time apart was healthy. A larger part of Keith saw himself wrecking his relationship into the ground and he had no idea where he’d gone wrong. 

“I can take your old room,” Shiro said. “I don’t mind.” 

“No. Your stuff is here and… I mean this is your place, so…” He wanted to refer to the apartment as their place but it wasn’t theirs. Shiro let him live here but it wasn’t  _ his _ , too.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” Keith went to grab a few things so he could hole up for, at most, a week. As he was leaving, Shiro came to kiss him and Keith allowed the kiss but he was too tired to kiss back. 

Kissing back would hurt too much. Grating against already frayed, raw emotions.

“I love you, Keith. This won’t be for long,” Shiro promised. 

“I love you, too,” Keith whispered. The door opened and he walked slowly down the hall toward the room he’d occupied before moving in with Shiro. 

The room, dark and cold, matched his mood. 

The bed, empty and lonely, matched his biggest fear. 

Kosmo appeared beside him and Keith buried his face in the wolf’s fur. Away for a minute and he missed Shiro already.

He missed James. 

Keith sat up and Kosmo tilted his head. “C’mon,” he said. “There has to be a way so everyone lives and I’m going to find out how.” 

Kosmo huffed and then they were in the simulator. Keith booted it up and sat as comfortably as possible. He was going to be a while. 

 

* * *

  
  


The simulation was built to be impossible to save everyone. 

For two days, Keith lived in the simulator, only breaking for coffee and to pee. He didn’t eat or sleep or shower. He ran every possible scenario and outcome but no matter what he did differently people died. 

Sometimes, he chose the pod without Shiro on it. 

Every time left him in a heap on the floor sobbing. 

He knew it wasn’t real but a universe without Shiro wasn’t a place he wanted to be. 

By day three, he was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open but he drank more coffee anyway. The clock told him it was almost three in the morning and sleep whispered his name tenderly. But he had to make it right. 

A shadow to his right made him jump and he realized Shiro was in the hallway. 

“Shiro,” he gasped, tripping to race after him. “Shiro!” 

Shiro continued down the hall too fast for Keith to keep up. 

“Shiro, come back,” he begged, his voice cracking. “Come  _ back _ .” 

The hall was dark with the lights dimmed and Keith was too tired to keep on his feet. He sank down to the floor, letting his body prop against the wall. “Shiro,” he whispered. “Come back... Come  _ back _ …” 

Tears trickled down his face when he realized Shiro wasn’t coming back.

A pair of boots appeared in his line of sight and he tilted his head back and realized Shiro  _ was _ here. “Shiro.” 

Shiro smiled a bit and offered his hand. “Let’s go home, Keith.”

Keith smiled in relief. Shiro missed him. “Shiro, I love–.” He cut off when his hand passed through the haze of Shiro’s hand. Keith grasped again in desperation but he was alone in the hallway. Shiro had never been there. Keith shook himself to remove the hallucination and stood to stumble back to the simulator. The screen blurred in front of his eyes and Keith could no longer keep his eyes open. 

 

* * *

  
  
  


A wet tongue woke him with a start. 

Keith jerked into an upright position, his eyes wide and owlish. The time told him it was now after eight in the morning. Kosmo whined softly and Keith patted his head. “You should check on Shiro and James. I’m fine.” 

Kosmo whined again. 

“Please? For me.” Keith picked up his coffee mug and chugged the remaining bitter cold liquid with a shudder. Kosmo whimpered but finally disappeared. Keith hoped James and Shiro were okay – he hoped they found comfort in one another. 

Keith yawned and was halfway back to sleep when Hunk’s voice almost sent him through the roof. “Fuck!” Keith gasped.

“Uh– hey, Keith,” Hunk said his voice timbered with nerves. “Sorry to… scare you. I– I brought you a muffin.” 

Keith turned his eyes to the plate in Hunk’s hands and couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten. His stomach didn’t even feel hunger anymore, just empty. “Thanks, Hunk,” Keith said slowly. “Thought you were mad at me.” 

“Well, you’ve been gone for four days and then I realized you’ve probably been here the whole time… And you really helped me out before, when I was upset about my family. So, if you need to talk, I’ll listen.” 

Keith picked the muffin slowly and smiled a little because Hunk was one of the nicest people he knew. “I just miss them,” he whispered. “And no matter what I did, I’d lose. Either kill Shiro and have a mental breakdown or kill all of you and end up here again.” 

Hunk sat beside him on the floor. “You know, I think everyone was being big hypocrites. If PIdge had been running it and Matt was on the “wrong” ship, she would have done what you did. Same with Lance with Allura or Shay and I… We all would have picked who we loved – but yours was even worse because you had to pick between two people you care about.” 

It was nice to hear someone finally understanding. He just wished that someone were James.

“It wasn’t really a choice at all,” Hunk mused quietly. “Is that why you’re here? The simulation is impossible to leave both sides winning. You’d have to break it.” 

A light bulb went off in Keith’s head and he jumped back into the chair to restart the simulation. “That’s it.” 

“Keith, what’s it – I didn’t mean to really break it!” Hunk grasped Keith’s shoulder but Keith knew what to do.

“I know how they both live,” Keith said. “Because picking Shiro or James – or my team – isn’t a choice at all.” He slammed the control forward and accepted the blast onto his own simulated ship, allowing the ship he was in to take the fall, killing his simulated pilot, but both of the pods could walk away. Everyone lived. 

Except for him. 

Hunk gasped. “You’d… sacrifice yourself for us. For them.” 

“Because living without them… It’s not worth it.” Keith trailed tired fingers on the controls. “I don’t love James the way I love Shiro, not yet, but I want that chance to get there.” 

Hunk squeezed his shoulder. “You will.”

The hatred in James’ eyes said he wouldn’t. “Doubt it.”

“You should get some sleep,” Hunk suggested. 

“Yeah– probably.” Keith sighed and stood up. A glance of himself in the glass of the simulator showed he had dark bags under his eyes larger than a raccoon’s. “Thanks.” 

“Any time.” Hunk hugged him tight and Keith relaxed into the affection and comfort. Four days with no one but himself and he was craving touch now. 

The walk to his room felt miles long but Keith had never been so thankful for a bed. He shut his eyes, hugged his pillow, and dreamt of Shiro and James. 

 

* * *

  
  
  


“Good morning.” 

Vision blurry and still exhausted, Keith needed a minute to fully wake up. He sat up slowly and looked around, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Shiro sat by his bed and James was at the end of the bed, facing the door. 

“Keith?” Shiro said. 

“What are you doing in here?” Keith asked and then immediately shoved his foot in his mouth. It didn’t matter  _ why _ , he was just glad to see them both, even if he couldn’t see James’ face.

“Hunk told us about you and the simulator,” Shiro said. “How you’d holed up for days. No food. Maybe water.” Shiro gave him a stern look for a moment. “Keith, hurting yourself is  _ not _ how I want you to solve problems.” 

“I–I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. He felt as if he’d been apologizing for years. 

“Hunk also told us how you… sacrificed yourself to save both pods,” Shiro continued and his face softened. “And I know… If… If, God forbid, this kind of situation happened in real life… I know that is what you would do because you care so  _ deeply _ for your friends, family, and  _ us _ .” Shiro’s floating arm went to rest on James’ shoulder which would have been hilarious any other time. “Keith, I’m  _ sorry _ for leaving you for so long.” 

“It’s okay,” Keith whispered. “Did– I mean, are you feeling better?” 

A hint of a smile flittered on Shiro’s lips but remained in his eyes. “I think I was counterproductive because I missed you instead. We both did.” 

Keith turned his eyes back on James and finally, James turned around, his eyes rimmed red. 

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” James said. “I lash out when I’m hurt but I know you weren’t trying to hurt me.”

Keith reached out and soon he was squished between Shiro and James on the bed with his head on James’ chest and Shiro against his back. The fit was precarious but they made it work on the tiny bed. 

“I can’t  _ choose _ between either of you,” Keith said tiredly. “I know I hurt you both and I'm sorry. If I  _ had _ to choose either of you in a dire situation, I would save you  _ both _ or die trying.” 

Shiro kissed the back of his neck. “I know.” 

James kissed the top of his head and nuzzled his hair. “I know that, too. I’d do the same.” 

“James, I don’t love you like Shiro  _ yet _ but I  _ really _ want the chance to change that,” Keith said fiercely. “I care about you  _ so _ much. I missed you  _ both _ .” 

“Well, Takashi is hard not to love,” James teased. Keith could almost feel Shiro blush. “It’s okay. I want to give you the chance to love me, even if I’m hard to love.” 

“You’re not,” Shiro said quietly. “You’re both wonderful and I am the luckiest guy in the galaxy.” 

“Nah, that’s me,” James argued playfully. 

Keith smiled and nestled closer. “You’re both idiots,” he whispered. Kosmo reappeared, coming to lay across their legs. Another smile tugged Keith's lips as he let sleep carry him home. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on [tumblr](http://pining-sheith.tumblr.com/)


End file.
